My random thoughts…brought to you once a week!

• What is with these disturbing Febreze commercials? Why must they take two stay-at-home moms, tell them to go sit in a crackhouse, and have some homeless person take a sh*t in the corner? “Ladies, what do you smell?” “We smell the ocean!”

• Note to my wife: Don’t buy me the cheapo boxer briefs. U.S. Polo Association (commonly found at TJ Maxx) is not Ralph Lauren Polo.

• From 9am to 9:30am EST (M-F), you can ALWAYS find me having a dance-off with my 2-year-old daughter. It involves her dressing up like a princess and me spinning around like a deranged lunatic.

• I went to my first Bruins’ game the other day. They were playing a big rival…the New York Rangers. It was a pleasure to sit in the nosebleed seats and hear some wonderful exchanges between fans. Here’s one: Bruin fan to Ranger fan after a home team goal: “Hey, why don’t you suck on this (points to his crotchal region)?”

• My 2-year-old tried to give me a high-five. She missed and nailed me right in the junk. It hurt.

• Oh House Hunters…how I love AND hate you at the same time! At what moment in history (my guess is the mid-90’s) did having stainless steel appliances become THE most important thing about buying a home? And can we eliminate the term “mancave?” Any guy that uses the term “mancave” is a complete ass wipe.

• Quote from 7-year-old: “Whew! Dad, I feel so much better after my diarrhea!”

• We went out last weekend with some friends for a nice dinner. Food was great, conversation was wonderful…bladder was full. So, off to the latrine I went. One day, I will tell my children’s children about the restroom facilities at Strip T’s in Watertown. I could devote an entire Unique Randomness to this experience. I could, but I won’t. One nugget though: Have you ever walked up stairs that lead directly to a toilet? I have.

*Image courtesy of the great Jon B.