My random thoughts…brought to you once a week!
- Apparently, the lady freak show was going on last Friday at Kroger’s. 1. I’m 99% certain the homeless woman walking in next to me had just crapped her pants. 2. The 70-year-old lady with horseshoe pattern baldness was just weird. (“But Kevin, you’re bald!” I know, still weird). 3. Another female decided it was a good idea to take her bicycle through the store. 4. Finally, not one hot chick in the entire store! Not one! Guys need a five-hot-chick minimum to get through every grocery store visit. Any heterosexual man that tells you otherwise is lying.
- I tasted a fresh mulberry the other day. Not my thing, but glad I did it.
- For the last few years, Lance Berkman was fat and below average as a hitter. This year he is skinny and tearing the cover off the ball. My theory…he was pouting because the Astros gave Carlos Lee a bigger contract than him. Say what you want, but that never sat well with him.
- Shows to watch: American Restoration and Workaholics. The latter is fairly stupid, but it had me laughing at times. Think Office Space, but with a ton of weed.
- Those who know me well, know I have a bit of a sneaker problem. Basically, I’m a sneaker whore. Some guys play golf. I buy sneakers and eat at cool restaurants (usually not in sneakers). Endorsement time: I love anything Saucony’s. So comfortable.
- If you could punch one person on television, who would it be?
- Favorite cheese: Smoked Gouda
- Most overrated show ever: Everybody Loves Raymond. It sucks. Most underrated comedian: Louie CK.
- One of my students (high school) raised his hand and privately asked me if he could step outside. I asked why. He said he had to fart. What do you say to that?
- I watched two minutes of The Voice last night. Not for me. Cee-Lo freaks me out the same way Oompa Loompas freak me out.
I’d punch all 3 Kardashians. They count as one person, right? And all the OC Housewives – especially the one that pronounced ciabatta bread “chia batta.”
Also, I am totally with you on Everybody Loves Raymond. I HATE THAT SHOW. If it even comes on by mistake – say someone’s ass hit the remote or something – I scream bloody murder until the channel is changed. If I hear Ray Romano’s annoyingly nasal voice or that monster Brad Garrett’s deep bellow, I lose it, man! LOSE IT!