• That f-ing elf freaks me out! There, I said it. His beady, watchful eyes, seem to follow me wherever I go. If you don’t have kids, you have no earthly idea what I’m talking about. One of the best parts about Christmas being over is I don’t have to see that thing for another year.

• There’s nothing better than watching my kid ride a bike, nothing.

• Speaking of said child, she got two pairs of boots for X-mas. She wore one pair to bed.

• Fitting how the Texans hired Kubiak because of his prior success at Denver. He will probably get fired because of the Denver game. And he’ll end up getting hired as the head coach of Denver.

• Am I the only one who thinks The Christmas Story is just a tad bit overrated? I say split the day between that movie and National Lampoon’s. Come on TBS!

D-Bag Alert: There are several levels to d-baggery:

Level I: Do you wear memorabilia from Buc-ees? Do you have a Buc-ee’s sticker on your back car window? Don’t fret too much, this is the lowest level of d-baggery. And by lowest, I mean that in a good way.

Level II: Do you drive around an SUV sporting those fake reindeer antlers during the holiday season?

Level III: When they run out of samples at a particular station in Costco, do you stand and wait for them to make more? This is the highest level of d-baggery. You’re an absolute d-bag and need to take immediate action.

• I changed my daughter’s diaper four times in a ten-minute span. Why, you may ask? Thanks for asking. The first one was a turd pebble. The second was three turd pebbles. The third was a pile of mush. And the forth was gravy. Happy New Year’s!