My random thoughts…brought to you once a week!

• It’s official, I’m a stay-at-home dad…I ordered by my first pair of sweatpants.

• Suggestion to airlines…as a sign of good faith, please offer a 20% discount on last row seating. The chairs don’t recline. Why? Because they butt up against the crapper. Also, new fragrance idea for Yankee Candle: Shitter Waft. Send to your enemies.

• Damn Seattle! Even for you, that’s a lot of Starbuck’s.

• I saw two movies last week—Moneyball and Ides of March. Both were good, Ides was great. This movie once again supports my claim that Paul Giamatti is the best actor on the planet, followed by Philip Seymour Hoffman.

• Ever had salmon jerky? Surprise…it’s salty.

• My wife bought a pork loin that has the exact size, shape, and look of a monster schlong. And I’m not trying to be funny, the damn thing frightened me. There’s a horse d*ck sitting in my fridge right now.

• Do you refrigerate ketchup after you open it?

• I never understood the popularity of Hooters. Bad wings stump big breasts.

• Gotta give credit when credit is due…that was a damn impressive Texans’ win last week. Arian Foster is a beast.

• The lamb shank from Lola in Seattle is…a…delight!

• Boardwalk Empire was pretty graphic last week. That dude with half a face deserves an Emmy—amazing acting!