Our good friend Fatty FatBastard is back..and this month he’s taking his fast food act off menu!
For the past few years, I have heard my friends on the Pacific Coast go on and on about In-N-Out burgers and how superior to all other franchises anywhere. The one thing that In-N-Out is notorious for is their “secret menu”…stuff that isn’t listed on their actual menu, but that you can order anyway. For some reason, folks thought that it made this Cali chain have a “coolness” factor; except it didn’t.
Pretty much EVERY fast food chain has a “secret menu.” Here are my top 10 items. To have fun, I’ve listed another off-menu pairing for each. Bon appetit.
10. Jack in the Box: Ultimate Cheeseburger on Sourdough Bread
JITB takes this classic known for its meat and cheese only attitude and pumps it to an 11 with the addition of the sourdough bread. This is honestly the best combination of Jack’s two best sandwiches, and worthy of a purchase at least once. Enjoy with a Mint Oreo cookie shake.
9. Dairy Queen: Peanut Buster Parfait
Even though this has been off DQ’s menu for over a decade, you can still order it, as they still have all ingredients on hand. Perfect for those that like the salty-sweet combination. Get this with a chocolate chip blizzard, but instead of chocolate chips, add the bits of syrup that would usually harden over the cones.
8. Taco Bell: Cheesarito
I’ve mentioned this one before for its awesomeness, but it can still be ordered there even if the newbie behind the counter isn’t aware. The ingredients are simply extra cheese, green onions, and Mexican pizza sauce thrown into the Meximelt heater. You will be astounded that this is not a menu regular when you try it. Add a “Superman” to your order while you’re there (a Burrito Supreme with double the beef, potatoes, sour cream, guacamole and tortilla strips).
7. Wendy’s: Barnyard
Imagine this: A spicy chicken filet topped in ascending order: ham, cheese, bacon, cheese, a 1/4-lb. patty, and yes…cheese. A gut-bomb of epic delicious proportions. Not enough? Grab a Grand Slam, while you’re at it, which is fiyr 1/4-lb patties along with four slices of cheese. There is a reason neither of these is publicized. Have you seen Wendy recently?
6. Potbelly: Cheeseburger
Potbelly? A Deli shop with a cheeseburger? That’s what I initially thought. But, yes Virginia, there is a cheeseburger option. Potbelly cuts their meatballs in half, and then adds bacon, American cheese, ketchup, mustard, lettuce, tomatoes and pickles. Pretty interesting, eh? You can’t add much to this other than the “Wrecking Ball,” which simply combines their “wreck” sandwich with the meatballs. Cool name though. Get peppers on the side, just because you can.
5. McDonald’s: McKinley Mac
The genius of this is that it takes the enormousness that was the Big Mac in the 70’s and re-imagines it for the new millenium. This iteration is nothing more than a Big Mac, with one small exception. See if you can tell the difference in the jingle: “Two all beef ¼-lb. patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a Sesame seed bun.” I truly wish I knew about this one back in college. Get this with a root beer float (yes, they will make you on).
4: Burger King: BLT
That’s right folks. You can get a BLT at Burger King. It is as simple as it sounds. You can get this with or without a burger, but I choose to go sans patty, because it is incredibly cheap. Close to $1.50 last I went. Get this with their Frings (half fries/half onion rings mixed together).
3. Popeye’s: Naked Items
Yes, this will be the only “healthy” choice in this column. That said, Popeye’s will let you order any chickenwithout breading. Popeye’s chicken that I can order a hair more healthy? I’ll take it! Order alongside red beans & rice with chicken fried bits. You’ve earned it!
2. Chipotle: Quesarito
For those unaware, Chipotle is willing to put anything together that you ask, but who would think of wrapping a burrito in a quesadilla rather than a tortilla?!? Well, someone did, and it makes for an ingenious concept, and one I applaud. Have this one with Chipotle nachos (yes, they’ll make these too).
1. Whataburger: Double Double
I love to come full-circle with something when I can, and this time I was able to successfully find that Whataburger will indeed make it “just like you like it,” and that includes a variation on In-N-Out’s most famous “off menu” option. And, yes, that even includes a “Thousand Island-style” secret sauce. They could never advertise it, as that would encroach on the trademark In-N-Out has. But it is there, In-N-Out fans. Even on Texas toast, or with grilled onions, or everything else that makes Whataburger superior. Enjoy this with a sense of smugness that you live near a Whataburger, and they don’t.